C’s New Year’s Resolution

Okay. We’re fourteen days into 2014. So. This is delayed. K reminded me. 

I’ve probably been putting off posting because my resolution is hard. It’s trying to change something about myself that has been welded into a part of my being. It has been created by the cycle of abuse that I’ve always been in, starting with my dad. But I think I’m ready for a change, mostly because I know that if I don’t change I don’t think I have a shot in hell at surviving.

I want to learn to be a self-compassionate person. I don’t want to be hard on myself all the time because it is extremely exhausting. I want to believe that I deserve to be loved and that I am not a worthless human being. I want to stop with all the “I should’ve done better” and I want to learn to forgive myself when I make a mistake in my process of learning to not make them again. I want to be a person that can live life to the fullest and I know I can’t do that until I allow myself to believe that I have worth. 

 

C

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