You Save Me (For C)

Daily. Immeasurably. Humbly. Beautifully. Amazingly. Astonishingly. 

I can’t comprehend how important you have been to me. 

You were the first one I told when he was hurting me. You were the first one to listen that day as I let my wall down and cried for you. It took me so long to get the courage to speak. You know how I can be, you know me. 

You know that when I hurt, I laugh and rely on my strength until it’s worn so thin it would barely be suitable as a sarong. I wear confidence like makeup. You were the first to let me fall.

I’ve never been so grateful to someone in my entire life. 

I know my words seem meaningless, because words are a commodity these days. Anyone with half a mind can wear them on their sleeve. They’ve lost depth. 

But I need you to know, my words are coming from the absolute depths of whoever I am. Someone in there who’s been hiding for years. Before him, before everything. 

You are the only one who’s patched up my bravery without brute force. You’re the only one to set aside everything and just listen. 

I can’t imagine a world without you. I don’t want to imagine a world without you. 

For the first time in months I’m sitting here in tears thinking about the loss of my best friend, and I’m weighted down with the pain. 

The strength that you’ve helped me build back for years is yours now. I don’t want to be strong without you. I don’t want to feel passion without you. I don’t want to feel joy without you. Because you’ve shown me these things. 

-K

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