Unfortunately a day after I posted about worrying that I’d run into my rapist, I ran into my rapist. Just my luck, right? He isn’t allowed in my residence hall, but I was eating dinner with some of my friends in a nearby dining hall. I got up to go get some ice cream to soothe the pain of a crappy day and all of the sudden I heard his laugh and saw him out of the corner of my eye.
I didn’t go back to my table, because I was positive that quickly turning around and running would cause more of a scene than casually power walking towards the ice cream machine. I got my ice cream then tried to head back to my seat. I was sure I’d be safe- I have a new haircut, I wear a hat, and I always look down when I walk… I shouldn’t be noticeable. Unfortunately he hadn’t moved from where I saw him originally. He was standing right next to my path. I knew he saw me. I knew he wanted to say something… So I bolted.
I ran back to the table where I had been eating dinner with my three friends and two other girls I’d never met before. I couldn’t sit. One of my friends asked “Hey, what’s going on, twitchy?” and I just looked at another friend and whispered “He’s here.” She took that as a sign to take a key from one of the people we were with and go up to their room and lock ourselves there. I know the two girls asked questions. I didn’t care.
My friend brought me upstairs so I could have my panic attack. I felt like my heart was in a cage and about to burst out, only to be hit by a sledgehammer. I couldn’t stop hyperventilating or crying. It’s too much to see him on campus. This campus isn’t big enough, but I’m not sure this world is big enough either.
-C
Our Silence Ends Now 